Oct 30

coffee 200

breakfast: bran 70 cereal 110 milk 55

snack: yogurt (100) and egg whites (30)

lunch: squash soup (120)

snack: 3 mini choc bars (150)

2 oreos (200)

dinner: 1 slice pizza (305) garlic bread (190)

fibre one bar (150)

carrot juice (75)

then i was realy bad. i am too embarrassed to say what i ate, but we can safely say it was about 450 calories.

2405 calories. that's totally depressing.

Oct 28

breakfast: coffee 160

snack: yogurt 100

lunch: squash soup 160

snack: 2 egg whites 30, sugarfree redbull 0

dinner: stuffed green pepper 165 potatoes 170

snack: skinny cow ice cream 125

fibre 1 bar: 140

And then I screwed up:

2 oreos 200

nutella 200

Total cals = 1550

junk cals i could have cut out: 400

Still not bad, considering.

I'm going to head to the gym for 1 hour of circuit training. My sto mach is going crazy, its upset.

Oct 27

breakfast: bran (70) cereal (110) milk (60) coffee (50)

snack: yogurt (100) coffee (50)

lunch: bean and rice dish (310)

snack: 2 egg wh ites (30) soup (70) crystal light smoothie (75)

dinner: chicken parmasean (280) rice 170 asparagus 65

snack: blackberries with light dip (100)

12 m&ms = 60

turkey/ham roll = 60

1 hour walk = 200 calories burned

Total calories: 1660

junk cals i could have cut out = 185

Wow the calories add up SO fast. I'm going to take my dog for a walk soon but I wish I had done better today. Gotta watch that portion of rice better next time.

Wow I'm exhausted.

Oct 26

so having a scale to weigh my food is amazing!!! i feel so much more confident about the calories i'm recording. i know i said before i wasn't going to count but i need to.

breakfast: bran (70) 59g cereal (110) milk (55)

snack: yogurt (100) 5 triscuits (100)

lunch: 12.6 oz butternut squash soup (140), sour cream (25)

snack: 2 egg whites (30) cffee (120)

dinner: 280 g whole wheat spaghetti with meat sauce (350) bread (80)

snack: 13g fruit salad (30)

Total calories: 1210

i'm very happy, this is a 'clean' day.

Oct 25

so I bought a digital scale for $20 bucks....its fantastic. I have already learned that I have to watch my portions of breakfast cereal!! and that my morning coffee isn't as bad as i thought it was :) butternut squash soup in the slow cooker and its seeds are in the oven - can't wait! :)

breakfast: cereal 110 bran 70 milk 55

coffee: 75

lunch: bread (crap i should have weighed this too but the pack says 80) margarine (25) turkey breast (30)

12 m&ms (75)

squash seeds (50)

butternut squash soup (130)

chicken (200) coleslaw (200) roll (50) fries (265)

100 calorie pack (100)

1 digestive cookie 60

nutella :S (75)

Total calories: 1669

15 mins cardio 150 calories burned

40 minutes circuit training 300 calories burned

Oct 23

breakfast: bran 70 cereal 100 milk 70

snack: yogurt 150

lunch: v8 (90) teriyaki beef (340)

coffee (100), 100 calorie pack (100)

2 digestive cookie (120), skinny cow ice crem (90)

dinner; 2 pc bread (60) margarine (60) egg whites (30) cheese (50) sausage (220)

snack: triscuite (175)

crackers 100

total calories = 1985

god im SO hungry today. why am i so freaken HUNGRY!? I do believe my eating today was a lot a result of hunger - I have felt so hungry the entire day. I was starving before lunch and then a gain when I got home from work. I've gotta get back on track but I don't feel TOO guilty about this. If this is as bad as it gets, I can handle it. My bad days used to be 2500+ calories so this, I can handle.

Oct 22

so today was bad and i'm not big on making excuses but today i have an excuse. woke up with a brutal migrane, and had to take some pain pills that i need to eat with food in order to make them work. i know there are better choices than mcdonalds, but i KNOW it helps me absorb the medicine and when i dont absorb it properly my stomach really hurts and my head does too. so i wasn't risking it.

breakfast: bran (70) cereal (100) milk (80)

snack: hashbrowns (320)

dinner: big mac no cheese (440), fries (360)

2 digestive cookies (200)

cheesecake noooooooo there's no excuse here. i wanted a piece of cheesecake. it was small. (160)

bun (160)

yogurt (90)

So today wasn't a great day. I will make up for this on the weekend.

1980.

October 21

SO I didn't eat proper meals today but I don't think I totally screwed up too badly.

lunch: small salad (50) 1/2 sandwch (125) fruit (40) 1/2 flatbread (350)

coffee (60)

dinner: chicken stuffed with asparagus (150) rice (250) caesar (125)

snack: 1 digestive cookie (100)

total calories: 1210

Not too bad at all!! I don't like that I did not really follow a good plan today with skipping breakfast at all and having d inner at 8:00 but my day was really really stressful. Right now I am just so so happy that I didn't binge! I didn't even really feel a craving to - after dinner was difficult but I actually stopped at one single digestive cookie. :) Lets hope this shows on the scale soon!

Oct 20

breakfast: 1/2 muffin (150) cereal (80) bran (70) milk (70)

coffee: 50 yogurt (100) 2 egg whites (30)

lunch: santa fe beans and rice (310)

snack: 1 digestive cookie (60)

dinner: 2 bbq chicken snack wraps (380)

total calories: 1270!

Awesome. THIS is where I want to be. YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As an aside, my stomach is really sore today I'm not sure why. Work is really stressful as of late, I have a presentation early tomorrow morning and a luncheon in theh afternoon and so so so much work. I am really, really happy that despite all this, I really kept it up with the calories today. I think my period might be coming a bit early bc I feel a little extra shitty but I guess we'll see. Hopefully I start to see a difference on the scale soon!! Will probably weigh in the morning.

Oct 19

breakfast: bran (70) cereal (70) milk (70)

snack: egg whites (30) coffee (80) chocolate (72)

lunch: lasagna florentine (320)

snack: soup (90)

dinner: chicken burger (210) bun (110) salad (100)

snack: 2 digestive cookies (120) yogurt (150)

1492 gosh i feel like i could go downstairs and just eat everything in the fridge. I could do it so easily just totally pig out. I'm not going to but tonight is going to be hard. Very hard. But I've done well with my goals, I have been eating some meals at the kitchen table instead of at my computer, but I am NOT drinking enough water. I'm nowhere close. I need to get a bigger cup or bottle that I can just keep filling. I'm also very very tired right now. Oh well, going to the gym at 9 so I have got to wake up! Need to burn off 600 cals but gossip girl is on so I'll watch it there :) Can't wait!

Oct 18

Today is going to be tough, I know it. Sundays usually are, as I realize the weekend wasn't as productive as it should have been and I find myself procrastinating the things I should be doing tonight and wanting to head to the fridge as a distraction. I need to remember that I'm not hungry, I am trying to avoid the feling that I don't like. Today, when I feel anxious and like procrastinating, I need to think through the situation logically instead of heading to the fridge.

Did 1.5 hours of yoga today and a 1.5 hour hike. Awesome! :)

Breakfast: cereal (70) bran (70) milk (70)

Lunch: bread (160) cheese (60) light mayo (30) turkey (40) tomato

Snack: coffee (60) triscuits (100)

Dinner: chicken strips (260) homemade french fries (160) pickle (30)

Snack: 2 mini reese bp cups (72)

Total calories: 1172

And it wasn't that hard!!

Oct 17

Made my butt go to the gym today!

breakfast: bran (70) cereal (70) milk (70) coffee (50)

snack: 2 mini pb cub (72)

lunch: bread (160) turkey (30) low fat mayo (30) cheese (40) tomato

snack: handful potato chips 150

dinner: santa fe rice and beans (330) 1/2 piece of artisan bread (40)

popcorn (100) light hot chocolate (110)

1322

So I liked Steve's link so much to the 'Shrink Yourself' excerpt, I have read the entire first section and signed up to the online program. I have more hope for a) correcting my negative thought patterns and b) finally losing this weight than I have felt my entire life. I have long known that I feel so bad not necessarily because I of the weight itself, but because of my inability to do it. It's the most frustrating thing in the world to be successful in other areas of my life and struggle with this SO much.

I'm learning that when I reach for food when I have recently eaten (aka not hungry) that I want to change the way I am feeling. There are other ways I can change the way I am feeling at that moment besides shoving my face full of ice cream. By reaching for food, I am circumventing my decision-making process - and THIS is what makes me feel stupid. It's the inability to make a logical decision, the frustration that comes with making a poor decision over and over and over (and over) again and not learning the lesson.

I have learned and am practicing that in the moment I go to reach for that candy (ok yes I did have a pb cup today and a handful of chips but it's the weekend and I'm usually very bad on the weekend so even this is a massive improvement) to stop and THINK - what am I feeling? What feeling is it that I am trying to avoid by eating?

I made my goal for the week to savour my food. To sit down at the table and eat without watching tv or playing on the computer or distracting myself in some other way. I'm discovering that some of the foods that make me feel good, I don't even really like the taste of. Weird.

The author states that trying to get an emotional eater to lose weight by counting calories is like trying to train for a marathon by sitting on the couch. He's right - I need to change my approach entirely. I have to stop counting each and every calorie and letting myself eat more because I"m below my daily limit or otherwise driving myself nuts. I am fully aware, as most chronic dieters are, of the nutritional value in every single piece of food that I eat. THAT is not the problem. It's making healthy choices. It sounds simple but that's what it is. No more eating to fulfill the mind.

So in any case just checking in. This book is great, I feel like it is what I have needed for a long long time.

Thanks Steve! :)

Oct 16

breakast: bran (70) cereal (70) milk (50)

snack: coffee (60) neocitran (45)

lunch: teriyaki chicken (450)

snack: yogurt 180

dinner: quiche 250

snack: triscuits = 100

1/2 croissant 120

2 drinks (vodka water) 120

1/4 serving chips and dip - this was actually very good of me - I looked up the calories and it was 650 for the entire thing (190)

total = 1705

Oct 15

called in sick to workkkk

cereal (70) bran (70) milk (70) coffee (80)

snack: sandwich (175)

lunch: baked beans and rice 320

snack: milk (90) yogurt (150) oreo (80)

Oct 14

breakfast: cereal (100) bran (70) milk (70) coffee (100)

snack: 2 egg whites (30)

lunch: chicken sandwich - I had to go out for lunch and didn't have a lot of choice where I went - it was this or pizza, though the chicken was breaded. I'm going to estimate at 450 cals which is probably high

dinner: light fettuccine alfredo with broccoli (330)

snack: yogurt 150 neocitran (75)

Total calories: 1384

I'm okay with this. I gave myself the ability to make good choices, and I do think I did. I still need to dive deeper into why i get the e motional trigger but I'm going to figure it out, dammit.

Sleep time...so sick :(

Oct 13

Breakfast: bran 70 cereal 100 milk 75

Coffee: 75

Lunch: turkey breast (120) veggies (180)

Snack: yogurt 100, latte (160)

Dinner: turkey sandwich (180) veggies (120)

Snack: oatmeal 180, 1/2 croissant 120, milk 90

Total calories: 1570

Having read nearly half of Shrink Yourself I am learning that I experience a 'phantom' hunger due to my own self-doubts. I need to attack that voice in my head that is causing the self-doubts head on, and today I did a good job. I resisted food by solving my problems instead of burying them with food. This is probably an overestimation, since I ate a lot of veggies but with no butter or anything but I"m not sure how to appropriately measure calories in them.

I'm getting quite sick so I couldn't make it to the gym today. Will aim for tomorrow but I'll see how sick I am.

My goal for tomorrow is to listen to my body and to take back the power that I have given away. I need to take back conscious control of the fact that I can trust myself to make logical decisions toward my weight loss goal.

Oct 12

cereal (120) bran (70) milk (70) turkey (200) turnip (50) potatoes (80) corn (60) swet potato (100) broccoli (30) stuffing (100) reese pb cup (190) coffee (100)

Total so far = 1170

So I just weighed in and I'm at 135.5 :( God I don't even know what to do anymore I feel so terrible. I hate feeling terrible I really do.

Oct 11

Okay so after a couple very bad days I'm making a good attempt at coming back. Today so far:

3 egg whites (50)

bread (160)

margarine 100

tomato 10

turkey breast 150

triscuits 80

yogurt 100

bran 70

coffee 110

Oct 7

SO this morning I saw the 'woosh'. 132.5, and my goal is 132 for Friday's weigh-in. Just gotta keep it up!

Today I ate:

breakfast: bran 70 cereal 110 milk 80

coffee: 110

lunch: chicken 200, coleslaw 200 bread 250

snack: tristuits 80 rice 50

Kay so it's a bit high because I went out for lunch to swiss chalet...I'm going to keep dinner relatively modest because of that.

egg whites (50) bread (60) ham (50) hash brown (110) skinny cow ice cream (150)

shit! i had 2 oreos (120) another cookie (85) another cookie (145) nutella (75)

Total calories = 1985

noooooo so far over my goal. i'm gonna get my butt to the gym and burn 600 calories. be back in an hour!!

10:48 - just got back from the gym...55 minutes on the eliptical and 15 minutes of ab work later....and even better - 700 CALORIES later. Whippee! My shirt is SOAKED. I feel like i burned a lot of calories and I'm very glad I did. I've had a rough few days in my personal life and this kind of helped. Blah.

Oct 6

So I weighed in this morning - 135. UGH. I have been eating what I thought was pretty healthy, and I've lost a measley pound. I th ouoght I would have lost more, since when I first weighed in it was period time.

I am still sticking to my original goals - 132 by Friday and 129 by the Friday after that. 124 by Halloween. I do still think some of this weight is water, but it still makes me mad. It's fine - I guess I'm going to have to up the ante. Also, I know many wouldn't agree with me, but I am going to start weighing in daily. I noticed that my weight gain is corresponds with me not weighing myself for extended periods, so i think this will help keep me in check. AND I'm going to increase the water.

Keep my eyes on the prize - getting out of the 130s will be a milestone and I know I can make it by next Friday!!

Calories Today

breakfast: cereal (100) milk (60) coffee (110)

lunch: thai curry chicken with rice (310)

snack: yogurt (100) 2 egg whites (30)

dinner: canneloni (280) spinach (10) tomato (20) cucumber (20) dressing (80)

snack: 4 triscuits 80

rice: 80

Total thus far: 1285

okay GOOD so far, and I'm not hungry. I have two boiled eggs which I will eat the whites of, and a yogurt for snacks at work before the gym.

UPDATE: alright, so I just finished eating dinner and it's 6:00. I'm not hungry right now and I do feel more in control than I usually do. I do worry that I'm going to be hungry later on though, and since I haven't been losing weight on 1600 calories a day (well, in the 1 week or so that I did it) I've gotta up it - I was aiming for 1200 a day and I'm already there. I am going out for coffee later tonight but I may just have a tea. I'm sleepy too....and im going to the gym tomorrow :)

Oct 5

bran 70 cereal 100 milk 45

caramel macchiato 160 biscotti 150

yogurt 110 boiled egg 70 bun 125

triscuits 100 asparagus 80 sausage 300 rice 150

crackers & cream cheese = 150

Total calories: 1610

Man I could so go for some of the m&ms or ice cream I know is downstairs...but NO! I actually feel in control enough not to eat it. That's a first! Feeling in control? What is that? I can't even remember the last time i felt in control when it comes to food. Someone once told me that the same satisfaction you get from eating food can be gained from having control. I think this is my first taste of it, and I like it!

A little higher than planned but I will survive I suppose.

Oct 4

breakfast: croissant (250), skinny cow yogurt (150)

lunch: sandwich (150)

dinner: chili (250) bread (125)

milk (90) v8 (50)

soup 100, cookies :( (300)

I'm really not feeling well today at all, I have a massive headache but I did make it out to yoga. Burned about 300 calories in 1.15 hours.

1465 thus far.

Not terrible but I wish I didnt' eat those cookies.

Oct 3

Okay so today hasn't been 'perfect' so far but I have had:

cereal (70) bran (70) milk (70)

chocolate croissant (250), skinny cow ice cream cup (150), coffee (60)

sandwich (250) chips :( (125)

milk (90)

wine (120) bread (200) pasta (400)

total calories: 2000

I can justify this if I a) go to the gym and b) have the croissant/ice cream as lunch. I'll fill up on veggies post-gym for the missing nutrients.

calories burned at gym for 60 minutes on eliptical: 600

net calories 1200, i can live with that.

Oct 2

breakfast: bran (70) cereal (70) milk (60)

coffee: 75

lunch: spinach salad with avocado and walnuts and goat cheese (250)

dinner: 6 california rolls (200) seaweed salad (50) steak teppanyaki (110) tempura (275) japanese pizza (200) ice cream (225)

snack: tiny sandwich 150

caesar (120)

total cals: 1855

thats not THAT bad considering i was went out for dinner

Oct 1

breakfast: cereal 70 milk 70 bran 70

snack: boiled egg 70 coffee 60

lunch: chili 30 bread 125

snack: yogurt 110

dinner: pizza (i know i know) 266, leftover better butter chicken 125 bread 100

snack: triscuits (80) yogurt (110) blueberries (50)

total calories: 1606.

A little higher than my goal, BUT i exercised today and burned 400 calories. woohoo!

i just have to now resist for the rest of the night.

But YAY day 3 no really bad junk food!!! i'm not counting theh pizza as junk because it wasnt takeout and i only had two s lices. :)