Oct 23

breakfast: bran 70 cereal 100 milk 70

snack: yogurt 150

lunch: v8 (90) teriyaki beef (340)

coffee (100), 100 calorie pack (100)

2 digestive cookie (120), skinny cow ice crem (90)

dinner; 2 pc bread (60) margarine (60) egg whites (30) cheese (50) sausage (220)

snack: triscuite (175)

crackers 100

total calories = 1985

god im SO hungry today. why am i so freaken HUNGRY!? I do believe my eating today was a lot a result of hunger - I have felt so hungry the entire day. I was starving before lunch and then a gain when I got home from work. I've gotta get back on track but I don't feel TOO guilty about this. If this is as bad as it gets, I can handle it. My bad days used to be 2500+ calories so this, I can handle.

Oct 22

so today was bad and i'm not big on making excuses but today i have an excuse. woke up with a brutal migrane, and had to take some pain pills that i need to eat with food in order to make them work. i know there are better choices than mcdonalds, but i KNOW it helps me absorb the medicine and when i dont absorb it properly my stomach really hurts and my head does too. so i wasn't risking it.

breakfast: bran (70) cereal (100) milk (80)

snack: hashbrowns (320)

dinner: big mac no cheese (440), fries (360)

2 digestive cookies (200)

cheesecake noooooooo there's no excuse here. i wanted a piece of cheesecake. it was small. (160)

bun (160)

yogurt (90)

So today wasn't a great day. I will make up for this on the weekend.

1980.

October 21

SO I didn't eat proper meals today but I don't think I totally screwed up too badly.

lunch: small salad (50) 1/2 sandwch (125) fruit (40) 1/2 flatbread (350)

coffee (60)

dinner: chicken stuffed with asparagus (150) rice (250) caesar (125)

snack: 1 digestive cookie (100)

total calories: 1210

Not too bad at all!! I don't like that I did not really follow a good plan today with skipping breakfast at all and having d inner at 8:00 but my day was really really stressful. Right now I am just so so happy that I didn't binge! I didn't even really feel a craving to - after dinner was difficult but I actually stopped at one single digestive cookie. :) Lets hope this shows on the scale soon!

Oct 20

breakfast: 1/2 muffin (150) cereal (80) bran (70) milk (70)

coffee: 50 yogurt (100) 2 egg whites (30)

lunch: santa fe beans and rice (310)

snack: 1 digestive cookie (60)

dinner: 2 bbq chicken snack wraps (380)

total calories: 1270!

Awesome. THIS is where I want to be. YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As an aside, my stomach is really sore today I'm not sure why. Work is really stressful as of late, I have a presentation early tomorrow morning and a luncheon in theh afternoon and so so so much work. I am really, really happy that despite all this, I really kept it up with the calories today. I think my period might be coming a bit early bc I feel a little extra shitty but I guess we'll see. Hopefully I start to see a difference on the scale soon!! Will probably weigh in the morning.

Oct 19

breakfast: bran (70) cereal (70) milk (70)

snack: egg whites (30) coffee (80) chocolate (72)

lunch: lasagna florentine (320)

snack: soup (90)

dinner: chicken burger (210) bun (110) salad (100)

snack: 2 digestive cookies (120) yogurt (150)

1492 gosh i feel like i could go downstairs and just eat everything in the fridge. I could do it so easily just totally pig out. I'm not going to but tonight is going to be hard. Very hard. But I've done well with my goals, I have been eating some meals at the kitchen table instead of at my computer, but I am NOT drinking enough water. I'm nowhere close. I need to get a bigger cup or bottle that I can just keep filling. I'm also very very tired right now. Oh well, going to the gym at 9 so I have got to wake up! Need to burn off 600 cals but gossip girl is on so I'll watch it there :) Can't wait!

Oct 18

Today is going to be tough, I know it. Sundays usually are, as I realize the weekend wasn't as productive as it should have been and I find myself procrastinating the things I should be doing tonight and wanting to head to the fridge as a distraction. I need to remember that I'm not hungry, I am trying to avoid the feling that I don't like. Today, when I feel anxious and like procrastinating, I need to think through the situation logically instead of heading to the fridge.

Did 1.5 hours of yoga today and a 1.5 hour hike. Awesome! :)

Breakfast: cereal (70) bran (70) milk (70)

Lunch: bread (160) cheese (60) light mayo (30) turkey (40) tomato

Snack: coffee (60) triscuits (100)

Dinner: chicken strips (260) homemade french fries (160) pickle (30)

Snack: 2 mini reese bp cups (72)

Total calories: 1172

And it wasn't that hard!!

Oct 17

Made my butt go to the gym today!

breakfast: bran (70) cereal (70) milk (70) coffee (50)

snack: 2 mini pb cub (72)

lunch: bread (160) turkey (30) low fat mayo (30) cheese (40) tomato

snack: handful potato chips 150

dinner: santa fe rice and beans (330) 1/2 piece of artisan bread (40)

popcorn (100) light hot chocolate (110)

1322

So I liked Steve's link so much to the 'Shrink Yourself' excerpt, I have read the entire first section and signed up to the online program. I have more hope for a) correcting my negative thought patterns and b) finally losing this weight than I have felt my entire life. I have long known that I feel so bad not necessarily because I of the weight itself, but because of my inability to do it. It's the most frustrating thing in the world to be successful in other areas of my life and struggle with this SO much.

I'm learning that when I reach for food when I have recently eaten (aka not hungry) that I want to change the way I am feeling. There are other ways I can change the way I am feeling at that moment besides shoving my face full of ice cream. By reaching for food, I am circumventing my decision-making process - and THIS is what makes me feel stupid. It's the inability to make a logical decision, the frustration that comes with making a poor decision over and over and over (and over) again and not learning the lesson.

I have learned and am practicing that in the moment I go to reach for that candy (ok yes I did have a pb cup today and a handful of chips but it's the weekend and I'm usually very bad on the weekend so even this is a massive improvement) to stop and THINK - what am I feeling? What feeling is it that I am trying to avoid by eating?

I made my goal for the week to savour my food. To sit down at the table and eat without watching tv or playing on the computer or distracting myself in some other way. I'm discovering that some of the foods that make me feel good, I don't even really like the taste of. Weird.

The author states that trying to get an emotional eater to lose weight by counting calories is like trying to train for a marathon by sitting on the couch. He's right - I need to change my approach entirely. I have to stop counting each and every calorie and letting myself eat more because I"m below my daily limit or otherwise driving myself nuts. I am fully aware, as most chronic dieters are, of the nutritional value in every single piece of food that I eat. THAT is not the problem. It's making healthy choices. It sounds simple but that's what it is. No more eating to fulfill the mind.

So in any case just checking in. This book is great, I feel like it is what I have needed for a long long time.

Thanks Steve! :)